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Monday, October 20th, 2008
9:44 pm - A Glossing Over
1. I genuinely enjoy going to work on Saturdays.
2. My jogging is improving. I still think it sucks.
3. I lied to several people last week about why I did not attend a recreational class I signed up for because I was too scared to go, and didn't want anyone to know.
4. I need to get my very own insulated cup PRONTO so I can stop pilfering those of others for my iced tea.
5. I cook well, but am obsessive about it.
6. I continue to drink too much.
7. I treasure being alone, and this oftentimes becomes a dilemma. I don't want to offend others, but I want to be alone.
8. TOO HOT, STUPID FLORIDA.
9. Four schools lined up for applying. Not that I've done anything about that, but knowing schools is good.
10. Pumpkin-carving on Wednesday, but I doubt my kick-ass costume idea is going to happen by Halloween because I don't allot time well for things. And it was the best idea I've had for a costume in ages.
11. My driving paranoia is officially gone as of last month.
12. I like scallops.
13. I know a kitten who acts like a lemur/rabbit/dog/King Kong.
14. I officially qualify as a talk radio junkie.
15. I hit a high point a bit ago, and am now working back toward it after a month and a half of regression.
16. I need to see winter...North Winter. Must figure out. Am dying from not going anywhere since New Orleans in May.
17. Common Loon
18.Surprising when a college English professor can't write. Sentence fragments = no!
19.Barry doesn't have a balloon. I'm convinced.
20. It is 20 October.

(4 spoke | what's that you say?)

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
9:38 pm - Life versus Blog Life
I ought to start updating around here again. Hell, I could do cooking-blog type shite if I don't feel hopeless/lonely/bored/energetic enough to write the entries I used to write. It's surprising how much life takes out of a person.

(what's that you say?)

Monday, September 24th, 2007
10:13 pm - This is all.
Sometimes my vagina and its accompaniments alarm me.

(what's that you say?)

Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
8:17 pm - .
Poor God

(what's that you say?)

Saturday, September 15th, 2007
5:19 pm - Entertainment!
Oh yeah, http://freedocumentaries.org for good times.
I'm currently watching the 30 Days episode where an atheist goes to live with born-again Christians.

(what's that you say?)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
4:17 pm - Humbug (how many times have I used that as my subject?)
I am in no mind frame and at no energy level to be enthusiastic and thoughtful for 4 hours straight, no down time. Great to know that's what I'm heading into.
Fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
Today instead of self-destructing, I bought a dress.
Today instead of doing ANYTHING WORTHWHILE, AND THERE ARE LOTS AND LOTS OF SUCH THINGS, I bought a dress.
I don't know where that puts me.

I want to go to bed.

(what's that you say?)

Thursday, September 6th, 2007
7:15 pm - Please hurry up, rum.
I should just go try to pass out now.
I know that won't work, but fucking crap-- nothing seems to work at times like this.

Last resort was rum, and it's not kicking in. I don't like rum much, and don't want to have to drink a shitload of it.
I want to make a quiche, sort of. But if I do that, people will be annoyed.

It's actually been a really good week for me, which is why I'm even trying to fight this as I am.
Generally, I give in right away. Or don't try at all.
Let's see how long I can last.

Fuck, if the goddamned quiche keeps me from hurting myself, sobeit. I can explain myself.

On another note, it's really, really frustrating to assert yourself when part of one group against another group and for your own group not to back you up. My group totally would have gotten exactly what we we going for had the others supported me at all. I guess they didn't want what I wanted as badly. It does, aside from that, seem like a great group, though. That other group-- fucking a. I ask you directly why you think YOU should get the thing we are competing over (just give a reason! If there was any type of reason, I wouldn't have cared about ceding the object very much.) and you first ignore me, then one member says there wasn't a real reason, then I ask the rest, and I get glares and dirty looks, then provide MY reason, my group's reasons, STILL get glares and ignoring-- WTF? The reason was "you want it", well fuck you-- so did we/(I? and that other kid). But you assume that YOU wanting something is more valid than US wanting something. Seriously, I was pissed. If anyone in the group had given any reason, or at least deigned to talk to me (other than the one member who admitted he didn't care)-- I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN SO ANGRY AND WOULD HAVE SAID, "COOL."

But now I'll just be Bitch-Girl for the rest of the class. Hey, I apologized to my group for getting pissed.

Ah, I forgot. The one reason that one person sneered toward me sort of half-way was that they had to take the LSAT two days after the presentation THEY didn't want which we ALSO didn't want was due.
Oh, the same test I'M TAKING TOO, FUCKER?
Good for you throwing the LSAT card. Because no one else in the world could possibly be taking it that day, too. Since it's only given a few times a year. Fuck you.

These people had already been pissing me off since Day One, and today just confirmed that my first impressions were right.
They give me dirty looks, sideways, during every class. Presumably because I dared to sit behind one of them. WHAT THE FUCK?

YES YES YES the rum is kicking in.
Thank you, Father, for having that on hand.
Now I can not be neurotic about my stomach. Yes, that's what this is all about. Obsessions based on distortions can be stronger than I can even express. I'm glad it's a good week for once because it's not often that I get this far.

I will also say that the make-up of the class I'm TA-ing for is awesome. I've already had like 4 great side conversations with members, not to mention group discussions are already getting insightful. Fucking awesome. It's always funny to be in a classroom where people know so much about me, too. People take me more seriously when they know me better, though.

(what's that you say?)

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
2:29 pm - Kudos
Wow, I really just had a party in my brain when I found out that I indeed DIDN'T at all miss GRE and LSAT registration deadlines.
I am seriously despicable when it comes to procrastination.
Somehow, I always get lucky.
Just because of that, maybe I'm not as bad as I think. My subconscious apparently has a handle on things. Fucking thank you, subconscious, since you bite me in the ass with almost everything else. Thank you.
So yeah, party in the brain.

I think I want to go to the zoo this weekend.

(what's that you say?)

Saturday, September 1st, 2007
2:35 pm - Idiot.
My computer is back. Yippie.

My common sense is out the door sometimes.

I'm looking forward to the rest of today a disgusting amount. Agenda: read, read some more (I have SO MANY NEW BOOKS. SOOOOO MANY.), watch a bunch of season six of The Sopranos, ride my bike, not bathe, not talk to anyone, actually use my computer, and read some more.
Really excited about all of this.
Also, avoid thinking and anticipate tomorrow being fun.

I started laughing hysterically then abruptly stopped when I read my friends page today (I think it was today) and like three entries in a row from people, different people, were basically "I'm well on my way to alcoholism"/"I'm an alcoholic". I tend to write that, too. So I stopped the laugh because it's not funny, but it totally makes sense that THAT is a common thread in other people's journals that I read. Fucking reasons behind things. Etc.

I like it when I actually HAVE a class on a Monday so that I get actual pleasure out of Monday holidays. Although I love going to class. So the fact that I'm missing it isn't really the point. It's the fact that I feel I am getting ripped off a holiday otherwise. Everyone else is getting a special day, and for me it makes no difference! But no, this semester I have a Monday class. Alrighty.

Finally, I hate my lower intestines.

(2 spoke | what's that you say?)

Friday, August 24th, 2007
4:10 pm - .
My mother can't drive. Almost side-swiped me to injury three times on the way downtown and back.
Got home (geesh, I'm trying so hard to get along). She "needs" me to go grocery shopping with her. Fine. But I sent her to the pool store alone because FUCKING A I WAS ALMOST JUST MAIMED THREE TIMES.
The circumstance called for rum.
Hola, supermercado!

(what's that you say?)

Friday, August 17th, 2007
4:21 pm - Oy.
I have so much to do.
Am I doing it? Have I done it? Have I attempted to do it? No.
Thought about it, though.
What's sad is that I'm probably going to have to drink vodka to get anything done. Good thing I have vodka.
I should also stop ignoring my phone. Especially since it's someone to whom I want to talk, and in fact called two nights ago and did for quite some time. But now I'm afraid to pick it up again. What a mess, what a mess.

Also, pumping the pool down isn't working so well.
I need to put on my shoes and go buy ingredients.
And clean.
And return calls.
And refrain from cursing out the bird. If I keep this up, I'm going to have screwed myself royally.
Holy shite, I just called back. Who am I? Who is this person? (Granted, I didn't actually TALK to anyone other than a message machine, but hey.) Maybe now I'll do the other things I need to do.
Oy, that's a crapshoot.

(1 spoke | what's that you say?)

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
11:05 am - .
It needs to be Friday about now.

(what's that you say?)

Sunday, August 5th, 2007
3:35 pm - Swimming Pool
Holy crap.
Yesterday was a birthday party for my father/brother combined. Everybody started drinking straight liquor at 3 p.m. The grossest thing ever was when my mother chased tequila with white wine. I don't know how that didn't make her ill.

At any rate, I completely forgot to call back anyone who called me and furthermore cannot remember any voice mails to which I listened. That was due to the additional bottle of liquor that was purchased at about ten, after coffee and swimming, on the way to the party's second part at my brother's house.

Two things: first, I just now feel okay enough to not be in my bed and second, last night was the first instance of REAL swimming for me in many, many years. REAL swimming is defined as going under water, mainly, but also actual swimming and doing fun stuff like flips and handstands. All of things that I did normally as a kid, and stopped doing when I became the neurotic piece of fuck I am now and have been for many, many years. The swimming thing was also notable last night because it happened the moment dinner was over. The moment. I think it was proposed while still at the table. This is notable because my feeling after eating anything tends to not inspire me to want to take off my clothes. It ranges from "don't fucking look at me" to "let's drink more" to "I need to be really, really distracted" to a less dramatic "yeah, I don't like the way I feel." Last night I was all about the swimming RIGHT THEN. Weird.

The swimming was super.
Fuck, my head DOES hurt. Dammit.
I also ate something yesterday that I never, ever eat for twisted, irrational reasons, but that I love. Go me, I guess. I don't know why I was suddenly okay with eating it.
And it was fucking heaven. I probably looked like I was having an orgasm or something, or what I imagine that would look like. I'm so rarely able to appreciate food in such an unadulterated manner.

I also had a few pretty dramatic break-downs yesterday. Ah, well. Everything tends to be lumped together with me.

(what's that you say?)

Saturday, August 4th, 2007
1:57 am - Vodka and karaoke, the second
I feel sorry for Billy Joel after what I did to him tonight.

Also, the homogeneity of the type of girls who hit on me is sort of exciting and sort of disappointing. Exciting because it's not a bad type (au contraire-- gorgeous, older-than-me Bettie-Page types). Disappointing because I wish I appeared to be more of an equal-opportunity employer. Since I am.
Although, as usual, Maria pointed out the obvious to me in why that type is attracted to me. And it was a DUH moment. DERRRRR.

Finally, I am in love with the hair sported by Drea de Matteo in The Sopranos, and nothing is going to change that--regardless of how many mocking "Jersey Mafia girl with giant hair" comments about the hair I read on message boards. I like big hair.

And I read too many message boards.

(what's that you say?)

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
6:57 pm - Yup.
Motherfucker.
My head hurts, my stomach hurts, and everything I put on that I could actually wear in decent company makes me look disgusting.
Of course there is a very important excursion to go along upon in two hours. Of course.
Let's see if chemicals kill this at all. I'll report back.

(1 spoke | what's that you say?)

Monday, July 30th, 2007
6:15 pm - Get me to a watering hole!
You know, I've been fundamentally dissatisfied since age eleven.

In other news, the camel has failed. Or rather, the camel has reached the point where it must actually get down off its high hill and drink. I suppose I would see that as failure. Taking something in. Happens every six months or so. I have a great pun I could make right now, but I won't because it's Semi-Cryptic Day in Christie-town.

It was another night last night of sleeping only two hours or so, and filling the long hours via watching movies. I'm really catching up on all of the things I haven't seen and thought about seeing when they were out. Of course, what with all of this death-of-the-camel shite, watching movies can be very stimulating. And has been. I could make another pun here.

Romano cheese is underappreciated.

My dentist is a salesperson, and it's really fucking disturbing.

I think I'm going to have some rum and coke. I don't really care for most rums, but it's the best option on hand. I need to buy a bottle of vodka.

Finally, I think Steve Carell is really sexy with a beard. And I will not delve further into what I think is sexy right now because I won't stop for about a year. Fuck, speaking of sexy, I need to go back to the pottery store and hit on the pottery guy before I chicken out. Put it on the to-do list. Actually, I think it's already on there.

I'm glad July is almost over.
The day needs to be over now, too.

(what's that you say?)

Sunday, July 29th, 2007
7:51 pm - Expanding and contracting.
Wow. My piano is at last so out of tune that I can hardly bear to touch it. That's baaaaaad. I wonder if the piano tuner we've used since before I can remember is still alive. He was ancient when I was like 5.

In other news, last night was hilarious. In fact, every night just my brother and I hang out (no one else) ends up being hilarious. The last time it was Hippie Night hilarity. This time, I convinced him to break out his turntables and play disc jockey, which he hadn't done in at least five years. He was still surprisingly okay at it, especially since he was also trashed. I then decided that the house was my private club, and I danced with myself for a really long time (with a private D.J., who can blame me?)

And finally, I have again proven that I have a sixth sense when it comes to Wii golf. Maybe this means I ought to take up real golf.
No, probably not. But I'm good at it when it's fake, dammit.

I'm glad tomorrow is Monday. I like Mondays these days.

(what's that you say?)

Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
7:23 pm - BOING.
I suppose it's good to know that the Holy Spirit didn't impregnate me, but I could have done without the bells and whistles announcing it.

It's like there is a sudden mandatory time-lag on people calling me back, effective about a week ago. Meaning: people call me back as usual, except usual plus several hours/days, and it's everyone. What gives? Maybe everyone sensed that I was without a doubt NOT with the Holy Spirit, and this was impetus to...give me the illusion that time is moving more slowly and/or a manufactured identity crisis every time people who always call back promptly for some reason don't?

At least my meeting with Best Professor Ever went well today. I don't think I've formally mentioned that I am a T.A. next semester (except to Maria, of course, duh). EXCITEMENT. Seriously.

Actually, I find this present weather refreshing at the present. That opinion is subject to change.
Must make my weekend super starting tomorrow.
I was nice and bought my mother a book today.
I also went to the dentist, where they always try to sell me stuff.

My fake pearls are made out of Mardi Gras beads. They leave pearly translucent flakes of chemical compound on my neck and chest. The flakes look really cool.

BOING.
I need some sugar.

(what's that you say?)

2:35 am - Cool hats are just the perk.
I am a SLEUTH.

(what's that you say?)

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007
9:01 pm - Hard Time Killing Floor Blues
Most Eventful Bike Ride Ever

1. Almost killed by 15-year-olds on an ATV. They came up behind me and clipped my fucking side going like 30, turned around and laughed, then congregated with their friends 150 feet down the road so that they could also catcall when I passed them. I'm still not sure why I didn't stop and completely ream them out. Probably because getting back to my relaxing, meditative bikeride was more important.

2. Found a six-inch folding knife on the street (not sure what kind). Score!

3. Got a foot cramp so bad I had to abandon bike early. It was ridiculous. Never abandon bike early. Bad.

Summary:
Was almost killed.
Found implement to kill.
Foot began to kill.

And now I'm going to watch something involving lots of killing. How's that for themed?

(what's that you say?)

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